hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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