And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
