saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
