is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
