Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
