Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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