what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
