which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
