Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
