I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
he's gonorrhea incarnate
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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