Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
