Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
