What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
