speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
