I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Randomize
