wrigley field is MILF paradise
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
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