My liver just broke up with me...
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
