Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
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