i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
