help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize