Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize