All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
