He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Randomize
