I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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