So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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