first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
