Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
