I like my sex mixed with concussions.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I just found a bag of teeth...
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
