I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
