I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
