So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
