I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
