I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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