The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
