I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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