I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
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