You made me cry and you don't even care
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
