Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Randomize
