it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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