WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
