Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I need a burrito and a hug.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize