fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
i've created a new STD.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
