Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
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