Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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