i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
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