whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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