Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
pop tarts are not kleenex
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
