i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize