This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
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