they need to just BURY HIM!
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
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