Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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