Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
if only i could text you this smell
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
