i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
