oh god the rape fog is back!
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
