I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
