The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
