So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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