If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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