you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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