I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
