i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
