like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
