So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
