remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
